Phone Phun

No doubt you've seen the Old Spice guy on TV or YouTube, selling whatever it is that he's selling. Well, it turns out he's got a second job, doing voiceovers as well. Kind of.

If you'd like to have him record the outgoing message for your voicemail or answering machine, just point your web browser at the Old Spice voicemail generator. Choose your gender, enter your phone number, and click on a couple of message choices, and before you can whistle the Old Spice jingle (doo doo doot), you can download an MP3 of his testosterone-laden voice inviting your callers to leave you a message. And if you'd like, you can include the jingle in your message as well.

The Old Spice voicemail generator is a free service. Smelling like your dad's aftershave is optional.

When is a phone call art? When the call is to Tuck and Roll Radio. Call these guys at 1-877-620-0940 (toll-free from anywhere in North America) and leave a message (up to three minutes in length). That's where the magic begins.

They take your messages, make some creative edits, add some sounds, music, or what have you, and otherwise creatively mash it all up to create some interesting sounding works of art. They're all turned into podcasts, so that folks can listen to what has gone on. Needless to say, the more interesting the message you leave–whether it's a story, an apology, or your deepest secret–the more interesting the resulting podcast will be. They're eager to get more messages, so why don't you give 'em a call. Who knows; you could be part of the next big thing.

Who doesn't like Mickey Mouse and his pals? These guys have been around forever, and they're still going strong. If you've got a little Disney fan running around the place, how much do you think they might enjoy receiving a phone call from Mickey, Minnie, Donald, or Goofy? It's easy, and free too.

To set up your call, you need to visit the Character Calls website and enter a little information. You can pick an occasion to commemorate (congratulations, encouragement), and a message to send (doing well in school, learning to count). Add little Billy's or Susie's name if you like. Give 'em the number and time to call, and then just sit back and wait for the appointed hour. Calls are made only during "normal" hours (9:00 am to 8:00 pm) so you don't need to worry about Donald Duck waking you up in the middle of the night. That's not such a happy thought.

This offer is good through 9/20/2010, so you won't want to wait too long to schedule your call.

Video games on a phone? Sure, your Blackberry or iPhone won't have any problems with this. What about on a not-so-smart phone? For that matter, what about non-video games? So where are we headed here?

Back when dinosaurs roamed the earth (1975 to be precise), Colossal Cave Adventure, one of the ancestors of virtual reality, was created. Designed to be played on a terminal of a PDP-10 mainframe computer, this game painted a picture using only words and the player's imagination of the places and things encountered in a huge underground cave.

If your mainframe's on the fritz, fear not: this game can now be played on your telephone. To dial in, just call 610-DEAR-BEN (1-610-332-7236). To play the game, just listen to the narration and then speak commands when it's time to make your move. Your goal is to collect treasures and bring them home, all the while avoiding various traps and obstacles.

Of if you can't get over the idea of the non-video game, you can also play at 610dearben.com via Skype and choose to include graphics.

Note that the call to play the game is not toll free, but presumably you'll be home free if you choose the Skype option.

Okay, so you've heard of dial-a-story and dial-a-prayer. How about dial-a-song? Just call 802-735-2710 (not a toll-free number) and listen to the music. WMUD is a low-power user-supported non-commercial broadcast radio station serving the Champlain Valley of Vermont and New York at 89.3 on the FM dial. In addition to their local audience, they also stream their freeform programming on the web as well as making it available via telephone. Just call 'em up—here's a way to get your money's worth from your unlimited cell phone plan—and bring 'em along with you. The music's all played live, but they don't have talkative DJs to get in your way. Listen to the radio for the music—what a concept!

These guys are free to listen to, no matter which medium you use, but as a user-supported station, we're sure they wouldn't mind if you happened to send them a couple of bucks now and then. And thanks to Bill for turning us on to them.

While the sugar plums may not be dancing in their heads yet, your little ones certainly know that it's December and that the Big Day is getting closer. What better way to really get into the spirit of the season than receiving a phone call from the Right Jolly Old Elf?

The folks at Kroger have arranged for you to get a personalized call from Santa—or Sammy the Snowman, or even NASCAR driver Tony Stewart if you prefer. Visit their website, give them some basic info—child's name, phone number, time for the call—and then sit back and wait for the special moment.

There's no cost for the call, but you do have to sign up for an account with Kroger; hopefully if you un-check the appropriate boxes on the form you won't be inundated with grocery-spam. Also be aware that there is an ad at the end of the message. It follows several seconds of dead air, but you may want to make sure that you grab the phone back from little Billy or Susie before the sales pitch starts. Ho! Ho! Ho!

If you're hooked on the new Fox singing-and-dancing-and-teen-angst show Glee, then you may want to give 419-329-4868 a call. They've got a recorded message that changes weekly talking about all things Glee. Listen to cast members talk about the most recent episode, and hear what they've got in store for the future. It almost makes you want to go back to high school.

While there's no cost for the service itself, keep in mind that it's not a toll-free number, so long distance charges may apply.

In a sticky situation that you need to get out of? Not sure if that date or meeting is going to go well? Maybe you should cover yourself and arrange for a call to come in, that'll let you excuse yourself to take care of some important matter? Maybe you need Getmooh.

Getmooh ("GETMeOutOfHere") is a free service that lets you phone yourself, after a manner of speaking. On their website, you can enter a number to call—most likely yours—a time to call, and a choice of messages to use. On their FAQ page, they warn that their system has some kind of bandwidth cap placed on it, such that if that capacity is exceeded, your call may not get made. I suppose there's really no such thing as a mission-critical "get me out of here", but if such a thing were to exist, you'd be well-served not to rely on these folks to guarantee that the call's going to be made.

You do need to sign up to take advantage of this service, and your phone number is included with all outgoing messages, so if you're planning to have a call made to somebody other than yourself, know that your recipient is going to know who's responsible for the call.

Nothing beats a good story. It's great entertainment, and studies show that the more kids are read to, the better they do in school. While we'd all love to spend more time reading with our kids, sometimes that's just not possible. In that situation, the second best thing may well be having somebody else read with them.

The San Francisco Public Library has a free Dial-A-Story service. It's available in English at 1-415-437-4880, Spanish (1-415-437-4882), and Cantonese (dial 1-415-437-4883). The folks at the Library recommend it for children ages 2 and older.

When we called the number, we didn't get a story; rather we heard a lively children's song (who knew that "Here we go Loopty Loo" would be such an ear worm?) that went on for a couple of minutes. Presumably they rotate their content, so you may want to call back often.

The Dial-A-Story service is available 24/7. It's not a toll-free call, so you'll want to consider the possible cost you may incur when calling.

Want to wish somebody a happy birthday, but don't want to make it just another Hallmark moment? Maybe you should check out BirthdayDialer.com.

A free service, these guys will send your greeting along to the lucky Birthday Boy (or Girl). You can choose from several different greetings—there's a traditional rendition of "Happy Birthday to You", a banjo version, and even a "Bollywood Birthday". And of course, there's Marilyn Monroe's breathy "Happy Birthday Mr President". There's a generic "happy birthday" message that goes out along with the fancy-schmantzy one. Your call is placed in real time, so you'll need to remember to visit the site on your friend's birthday.

These guys also offer a paid version, where you get to schedule the call, and add your own personal message as well.