Phone Phun

The Marianna Black Library in Charlotte, North Carolina has a free dial-a-story line for children aged 3-5. The story changes weekly. (828) 488-9412.

In their own version of the Rejection Hotline, porn star Ron Jeremy and Virgin Mobile are offering "Dial-A-Dis". When a not-so-hot guy or girl asks for your phone number, you can give them the Dial-a-Dis digits instead of your own. In a recorded message, Ron Jeremy will let them down easy for you.

The numbers are (416) 348-1801 (to reject a woman) or (416) 348-1802 (to reject a man). Both numbers are in Toronto — so in addition to weaseling out of rejecting someone, you'll get the satisfaction of knowing they'll have to pay for a call to Canada.

Found this tidbit at The Boston Globe:

If you're jonesing for new music from Montreal indie-rock quintet Arcade Fire and can't wait until spring to hear their sophomore release "Neon Bible," then it's time to let your fingers do the walking. …

Those who dial 866-NEON-BIBLE (or 866-636-6242 for the alphanumerically impaired) and then dial ext. 7777 will get an earful of an almost comically lo-fi recording of an impassioned, mid tempo, organ-and-glockenspiel-enhanced tune called "Intervention." There are also quirky "menu options" that allow listeners to leave a message or hear more about the "revolutionary, safe new medical program" called "Neon Bible," a title nicked from a novel by John Kennedy Toole. There's also a "free evaluative quiz" and a "$10,000 contest."

Visit http://30rock.nbc.com/ to set up a "personal" call from Alec Baldwin for a friend. He'll pester you a little bit as you fill out the web form telling him about your friend. Then he will send call your friend, customizing the message with the info your provided, and ask them to watch the TV show "30 Rock".

The folks at Tell Me (1-800-555-8355) are certainly in the holiday spirit. In addition to news, stock quotes, and the other usual info available at that toll-free number, you can say "Santa" to hear updates on Santa's journey around the globe. According to an AP story, the reports are customized for all 50 states; the system automatically determines which recording to play based on the caller's area code. The official tracking begins 7PM Sunday night… I called before then and heard a message from Rudolph.

Want to call Santa? We're not sure if the real Santa Claus will answer at this phone number, but his elves certainly will. The Ho Ho Hotline, at 270-843-3531, is available weekdays from 2-4 PM CST. It is staffed by the staff and residents of the Rosewood Healthcare Center in Bowling Green, KY.

Tonight only (December 11), from 7:00 – 8:30pm Eastern time, kids can call Santa Claus at 973-728-2860. The line is hosted by the West Milford, NJ Parks and Recreation Department. The hotline is intended for children in West Milford, but maybe Santa can take a few calls from the rest of the world too.

Another free dial-a-story line for kids: this one from the Kern County (California) Library: 1-661-868-0794.

This Public Library Dial-a-Story Lines page lists even more.

Have you wronged Stephen Colbert? People of the Jewish faith who feel the need to atone to Mr. Colbert in this new year can call 1-888-OOPS-JEW to leave an apologetic message. Your apology may be aired on The Colbert Report.

North Carolina's Robbins Library has a free dial-a-story for kids at (910) 948-3322. The story changes daily.